Contributor Dr. Elise Herman
As kids head back to school, it is easy to focus on the academics, but the social side of school, including friendships, is very important to a child’s development and overall success. You can help your child with the skills of making friends, keeping friends, and being a good friend, all vital to building social connections at school and beyond.
As the parent, you can be a good role model. Be friendly and social when you are out and about (and put away the phone, of course). Make conversation and express curiosity when interacting with others. At home, encourage conversation at the dinner table, taking turns asking and answering questions (again, no phones around). Having family game night or doing chores together teaches kids how to interact within a group. Let your child know that bragging and teasing will push other kids away.
Some kids need help reading others’ facial expressions; this is a skill that you can teach your child and practice at home. Active listening makes the other person feel heard and can be achieved with eye contact and verbal affirmations such as “uh-huh”, “yes”, and “tell me more”. Kids should also take turns speaking and let someone finish before jumping in and interrupting. Role playing with your child for greetings, introductions, and conversation can help them feel more confident in social situations.
Bonding over a common interest or activity happens naturally, so encourage participation in clubs, sports, and other groups. Arranging a playdate at a park or some other ‘neutral’ location is a great way for kids to build relationships. If there is a fellow student your child has mentioned positively, you may be able to reach out to their parent at school drop-off or a school event and discuss a get-together.
Help your child work on emotional regulation so interactions with other kids are positive and without anger or tantrums. Communicating calmly about feelings and stepping away briefly if upset are helpful strategies. Remind your kiddo to ‘let little things go’ and avoid being petty. Explain that annoying behaviors such as poking, imitating, and not respecting personal space can be very off-putting.
It is said that the best way to have a friend is to be one. Ask your child what they would want in a friend—and have them brainstorm how they can be that special person for someone else. Be positive about their efforts to master the important social skills needed to create friendships; this comes easier to some kids more than others. If your child is really struggling in this area, you may want to speak with your child’s health care provider or counselor.
more about The contributor
Dr. Elise Herman
Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.