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The Benefits of Awe-Inspiring Experiences for Kids

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

We have all known the sensation of wonder and amazement when we experience something “awesome” like a spectacular rainbow. It turns out that ‘awe’- the overwhelming feeling of respect and amazement, often created by something vast and mysterious- is an important emotion with lots of benefits. Sources of awe might be nature, art, music, spirituality, or a demonstration of courage.

Experiencing awe has been well studied in kids and adults and has been shown to increase creativity and curiosity, which fuel learning. Awe increases positive feelings, decreases negative feelings, and helps with emotional regulation and the ability to handle stress. Awe inspiring moments give children stronger feelings of connection and cooperation, especially if shared with others. Family bonds are strengthened by family members witnessing something ‘awesome’ together.  Prosocial behavior (behavior that benefits others) has been shown to be more likely after experiencing awe.

In the face of something vast like a starry sky or beautiful ocean, we may feel more humble, understanding how small we really are in the world. This feeling of humility can put our own issues and struggles in perspective and encourage us to think beyond ourselves. This is particularly important now given social media use with its constant attention on us as individuals and how we appear to others.

When nature is the source of wonder, kids tend to feel more comfortable and confident in the outdoors. Nature-inspired awe also can decrease PTSD and overall stress. Feeling awe after doing something brave or challenging can increase a child’s resiliency and ‘grit’.  

The benefits of awe have a biologic basis.  Research shows that feelings of awe decrease cytokines, chemicals in the body which are related to inflammation, illness, and depression. Awe can also cause the release of oxytocin, a hormone associated with love and empathy.

There are relatively simple ways to encourage more awe, terrific for both our kids and ourselves:

  • Slow down and take time to notice the little things such as birds in flight, changing leaves, or a butterfly
  • Have more unstructured time, less rushed time and put away the phones and devices
  • Expose your child to art (such as galleries and museums), dance, and music; there are many local opportunities for this
  • Look for science activities that inspire wonder, such as going to a planetarium or a science museum
  • Get out in nature more, taking the time to comment on and express curiosity about what you see and hear
  • Notice and discuss courageous and kind behavior
  • Read books about brave and pioneering individuals
  • Create experiences at unusual times such as an early walk at sunrise or stargazing late at night (yes, after bedtime!); these can be very impactful
  • Consider doing journaling or artwork about awe-inspiring experiences
  • Although in-person is best, watching nature documentaries can also create feelings of awe
  • Express awe yourself- get excited about wondrous things and share those feelings with your child

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
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Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.

Social Media & Teens

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

Parents of teens know that this is a tough time for their kids, and many experts point to smartphones and social media as contributing to the worsening mental health of young people. Recent research has shown that social media is not just related to depression, anxiety, and loneliness, but can cause these issues. It should be noted that no one should be on social media until age 13 (it is against the rules as well as potentially harmful), and the later a teen starts with it, the better.

When phones and social media became common around 2012, kids began spending less time with friends just ’hanging out’, which is felt to contribute to feelings of isolation. So what are kids doing instead of hanging out with their peers? They are, of course, on their phones. 95% of all American teens have smartphones and they are on their phones over 7 hours a day (excluding for academics or homework). It is well known that all that phone and social media time is interfering with sleep, and inadequate sleep is tied to anxiety and depression in teens.

The negative effects of social media include bullying, kids comparing themselves to other people’s “perfect lives”, and a sense of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). There may also be exposure to violent or sexual content. Instagram and other social media can promote body image issues in teen girls who may already be struggling with self-esteem. Social media (including TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and YouTube) is engineered to be addictive, and 2/3 of teens age 13-17 years use it, 16% admitting to using social media “almost constantly”.

There are some clear positives of social media, however. Most teens say it can make them feel more connected to peers, and those with a disability or feeling marginalized may find support on a social media platform. It can provide an outlet for creativity, and most would agree on its potential for being entertaining.

Given that there are some positives, and most teens are very plugged in to their social media, what can parents do to help their kids regulate their usage? Although banning social media outright seems tempting, this is unlikely to be successful. Knowing that just decreasing the amount of social media can help kids with body image, depression, anxiety and self-esteem, it is better to make a mutually agreed upon plan with your teen to limit it.

This plan should have scheduled downtime daily without the phone and social media, including mealtimes and the hour before bed (and ideally no phones in the bedroom). Social media should be allowed only after homework is done; this can be implemented via parental controls if needed. Setting a daily time limit for social media apps is easily done on the phone; ideally your teen should do this and look at it as helpful reminder although parental controls are again an option. Encourage taking a longer break for activities like camping, traveling, and special times with friends or family. It is good to see how much more engaged we are when we don’t have our phones and social media to distract us.

Discuss with your child what on social media makes them feel better or worse; if something makes them feel worse, they should avoid it (good advice for us adults, too). Sympathize with your teen if you have a love/hate relationship with your social media and that limiting this may be difficult for you, too. Handling social media can be something you do together as a family. The American Academy of Pediatric has a new version of their free Family Media plan which can guide parents in media usage individualized for each family member (see Resources, below).

Parents should be familiar with social media platforms and know which ones their child is using. Encourage frequent conversations with your teen about relationships, social media, and emotional well-being so it will be easier for them to come to you if they have concerns. If social media is affecting your teen’s mental health, it is time to take a break and consider talking to your child’s healthcare provider and/ or a counselor.

Resources

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
Profile

Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.

Bringing Music into Your Child’s Life

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

Children seem to love music right from the start, which makes sense since babies in the womb can hear sound beginning around the fourth to the fifth month of pregnancy. Research has shown the many positives of music for kids, so making music part of your child’s life will reap benefits over their lifetime. Music involvement includes listening to music, playing an instrument, singing, and dancing.

Music exposure for young children increases brain development, according to research done at the University of California at Santa Cruz in 2016. This was particularly noted in the areas of language and reading skills. Other research has shown that participation in music classes can increase IQ and standardized test scores along with achievement in English and mathematics. Involvement with music improves patience and listening skills and, therefore, school readiness for young children. Experiencing music and dance of different cultures expands a child’s world view and appreciation of other people.

Music has been shown to decrease stress hormones and anxiety, so much so that it is used in hospitals before surgeries and in dental offices. It increases positive emotions and encourages self-regulation and a sense of calm– obviously beneficial for children of all ages. Playing an instrument and dancing help develop motor skills and encourage self-expression and creativity. Being part of a music or dance class teaches kids how to participate in a group and work with others; kids learn valuable social skills in these settings.

It is never too early to bring music into your child’s life. Sing to your unborn child and continue this from infancy onward. Talent doesn’t matter, so don’t avoid this if you are not a gifted singer (few of us are). Sing lullabies to your infant, and attach certain songs to activates for your toddler, such as songs for cleaning up, nap time, and bedtime. Nursery rhymes and clapping along are delightful to young children. Preschoolers love silly songs and lots of repetition (think “The Wheels on the Bus”). Quiet background music (at times) is a great way to expose your child to music of different types.

Keep simple musical instruments in your child’s play area, like a tambourine and shakers. You can also make your own ‘instruments’, such as using a wooden spoon to beat pots and pans and putting beans in a childproof small plastic container for a shaker.

Older kids enjoy music classes in school and benefit from music and dance lessons outside of school as well. Watching dance videos with your child and trying to learn dances together is a fun musical activity. Going to concerts and dance performances connects kids with others and encourages attention and listening skills.

So, start early by filling your child’s life with music and dance of all types. Have fun, and let it awaken the child within you, too. Look online to find lots of local opportunities for music and dance, both for classes and live events. We are also fortunate to have the outstanding music department at Central Washington University, which offers many concerts which are family-friendly.

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
Profile

Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.

Parenting Your Teenager

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

As kids get older, the joys and challenges of parenting change. Teenagers can be wonderful people—enthusiastic, very involved with friends, and with passionate opinions and feelings. However, they can also be impulsive, take risks and feel invulnerable, creating a setup for poor decisions. In addition, teens are working on independence, which can mean pushing back against authority (i.e., us parents). It is all-natural but can create some tension in the household.

Many parenting goals now are the same as when your child was younger, such as encouraging a healthy lifestyle. This includes good nutrition, family meals, getting outside regularly, and adequate sleep. Teens generally need 8-10 hours of sleep nightly but often want to stay up late and then sleep in or have difficulty getting up for school. “Sleeping in” on the weekends should be no more than 1-2 hours later than usual, and naps should be avoided. There should be no caffeine later in the day (this includes pop). Phones or other devices should not be used within an hour of bedtime; ideally, phones are out of the bedroom at night to limit temptation. If you feel this won’t work, parental controls can also be used to manage data access.

Safety is a big topic for teens— so many new things are happening! Driving, dating, possible alcohol and drug use, mental health concerns. Find moments to chat with your teen about some of these issues in shorter conversations, possibly when the two of you are in the car or making a meal. If something is in the news, such as cyberbullying, use that as a start to a discussion (not a lecture). Acknowledge that things are more complicated and high-pressured for them than when you were a teen and that you would like to know more about their world.

Encouraging autonomy means having clear, consistent rules and expectations (ideally agreed upon by your teen) for driving, dating, curfew, etc., gradually giving them more freedom. Acknowledging their successes helps build confidence and will make you comfortable giving them more responsibility. Consequences for poor behavior should be “firm and fair” and be understood by your child beforehand. Give your child a more significant voice on decisions such as meals, activities, and family plans; weekly brief family meetings are a great time to let your teen know their input is valued.

Teens are really in training for adulthood, and you need to give them life skills to succeed. Having chores, learning to set a budget, and being able to cook and clean are crucial. A part-time job encourages responsibility and teaches your teen to balance work, school, and other activities. Learning to drive can be challenging and perhaps worrisome to parents, but it is necessary to become independent. Teens should know how to do essential home repairs, change a tire and deal with small emergencies (such as power outages or grease fires in the kitchen). Teach them essential money management, such as using a credit card responsibly and spending wisely within their means. Learning to regulate emotions is also a necessary part of growing up. Model this by trying to remain calm, talking about your feelings, or taking a break from an uncomfortable situation.

The teen years can be challenging for you and your child as they strive for more independence. Mistakes may be made, but let them know you are there to support them. Don’t be afraid to tell them you love them, even if it sometimes feels awkward. They may not always act like it, but adolescents still want to know they are loved unconditionally, so even a brief hug or high five is reassuring when life may feel stressful and confusing.

Resources

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
Profile

Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.

Baby, It’s Cold Outside- But Get Out There Anyway!

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

We know how important it is for our kids to get outside regularly; all that fresh air and running around has numerous benefits. When it is cold, parents sometimes hesitate to let their kids out for fear that colder weather will make them sick. But it is actually the exposure to sick people and the viruses they carry that causes problems this time of year.

Winter play boosts physical and emotional wellness, builds muscle mass, and improves sleep. It means getting away from electronics and the temptation for unnecessary snacking. It also means avoiding crowded indoor spaces which can make it easy for viruses to spread. Vitamin D absorption is another bonus, especially if it is sunny. Exploring the outdoors in winter gives kids important exposure to nature which can lower stress. Getting outside when it is cold, blustery, snowing, etc. builds grit and toughness- in kids and parents!     

Remember your childhood and what you loved to do in winter- maybe building a snow fort or creating a silly snowman. Sledding, cross-country skiing, and just going for snowy walks are terrific activities to do with kids. A scavenger hunt in winter helps kids slow down and pay attention. Can they find a bird’s nest in a tree or animal tracks in the snow? There are lots of suggestions online for outdoor play, but often children will just make their own fun without us adults “scripting” their activity. 

To help keep kids warm out there, remember to dress them in multiple thin layers. Boots and gloves should be insulated and ideally waterproof. A hat and neck gaiter (safer than scarves, especially on younger children) really help on cold days. Infants and babies should wear one more layer than an adult would as a rule of thumb. If clothing gets wet, kids should come in quickly and change to avoid hypothermia. 

There are some recommendations in terms of when it is too cold for kids to be outside safely. Pay attention to both the temperature and even more importantly the wind chill (what the temperature ‘feels like’). If the wind chill is 32 degrees and above, outdoor play is fine. If it is 13-31 degrees, just remember to take breaks to warm up perhaps every 30-60 minutes. Below 13 degrees windchill, outdoor play may not be safe for most kids though older kids may be OK for a limited time if they are dressed appropriately. Infants and babies tend to get cold faster since they are not playing actively and may also not complain of being too cold. Watch them carefully for signs of hypothermia- shivering, red cold skin, and decreased energy level. 

Admittedly, it is easier to get outside on a beautiful spring day, but outdoor exercise in these colder months is equally important. Try to get your kids outside regularly this winter and lead by example. Your whole family will benefit by embracing winter in all its beauty and opportunities.

The local Kittitas Environmental Education Network puts out a seasonal kids’ newsletter and has some great info and ideas for wintertime fun with kids of all ages:https://www.ycic.org/_files/ugd/fbe211_0fb63dcb09744990994f0d205f32cb52.pdf

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
Profile

Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.

How to Talk with Your Teen

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

We all want to feel connected to our kids, but as they become teenagers, it may seem harder to engage them in conversation. Between their appropriate need to become more independent, their frequent use of their phones and social media, and all of life’s distractions, how can you create opportunities to have an honest conversation with your teen? Here are some suggestions that might help:

Be a good listener: Ask open-ended questions, avoiding those which would have a short “yes” or “no” answer. Do not interrogate but ask with a desire to learn- about their school day, friendships, and interests. Avoid lecturing and try to reserve judgment unless there is a real safety issue. If you disagree with what your child says, ask why they feel a certain way; try to see things from their point of view. Often, teens want to chat about a concern but do not want you to “solve” it. Ask if they like your advice or help before offering. Remember to listen without the distraction of phones or computers.

Empathize: Your teen has a lot going on with social media, relationships, and school pressures. Life is likely more complicated for them than it was when you were their age. Listen and empathize; don’t discount their feelings and struggles.

Please respect their privacy: Do not share your conversations with others. You want your teen to feel safe and comfortable being open with you.

Location counts: The dinner table is an excellent place to chat casually about school, activities, etc. (research has shown that regular family meals decrease risky behavior in teens). Start the family dinner habit when kids are young and keep it going as much as possible through the teen years. Even if they are quiet at the table (don’t force anyone to talk), connecting as a family is essential. When driving, it is also a great time to chat, especially if it is just the two of you. Frequent brief conversations are more accessible than longer, more formal ones and can make you both feel connected..

Let your teen lead:

  • Be open to discussing things they care about, such as social media, music, trends, etc.
  • Try to be aware of what teens are viewing and discussing online.
  • Don’t try too hard to be “hip”; aim to be curious and informed.

Encourage confidence: You know your teen and their strengths. Let them know you believe them to be capable of handling challenging situations but that you are always there for them, too, to be a sounding board or assist if it is appropriate.

Having regular, non-judgmental chats with your teen can maintain open lines of communication and increase your emotional connection. In addition, this will make it easier if they need to come to you to discuss important issues such as relationships, sexuality, mental health, or substance abuse.

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
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Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.

Curiosity in Children

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

There are characteristics we hope to see in our kids such as kindness, intelligence, and perseverance. We may not put ‘curiosity’ high on this list, but in fact it is crucial to a child’s success in learning and school—and maybe, even in life.

Research has shown that those who are curious tend to be happier, less anxious, and have a greater sense of well-being. In children, studies connect curiosity to higher academic performance, and in adults it is tied to greater achievement at work.  When people are highly curious about a subject, they are more engaged with it and more likely to remember what they have learned. General memory is also improved for information unrelated to the original area of interest. It seems curiosity primes the brain to absorb and retain new information better.

Being curious has been shown to improve one’s patience. Those who are very curious seem willing to do the work themselves to figure something out as opposed to needing an answer immediately. Curiosity can lead to increased creativity, more original ideas, and a willingness to ‘think outside the box’. It also translates into greater empathy and stronger interpersonal relationships.

So despite the sometimes endless “why?” questions from our kids that can be a bit much, curiosity is a very good thing. There are lots of ways we can encourage this important trait:

  • Express curiosity and wonder yourself, e.g., “I wonder why the moon looks so big tonight?”  Have a back-and-forth discussion about possible explanations. Together with your child find resources to get answers (and not just online) such as books, the library, and knowledgeable individuals.
  • Ask your child questions about things from the everyday to the more fantastical and encourage them to go deeper with their theories and ideas.
  • When your child asks you questions, avoid the “just because” response and research together if you don’t know the answer.  You do not need to know everything, and it is valuable to show your child that you are still learning, too.
  • Encourage your kids to be aware and mindful, to be thinking about what they experience, and to use their full senses to engage completely.
  • Limit “screens” including TV, smartphones, and social media which generally are passive entertainment, though quality programing such as nature shows can encourage curiosity. Watch educational programs (on PBS and National Geographic for example) together so you can have discussions about the content.
  • Explore new things such as ethnic food, museums, and new cultures either through travel or online resources. This promotes not just curiosity but an openness to people different than us.
  • Encourage books about subjects that inspire curiosity such as history-making individuals, exploration, and science fiction.
  • Help your child to follow their interests and learn more about what they are naturally intrigued by.
  • Embrace outdoor activities, especially in nature such as walking in a park, hiking, birdwatching, and camping. These immerse us in the natural world and foster curiosity and wonder.

And enjoy being a bit of a kid yourself as you marvel and explore the world we live in with your child!

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
Profile

Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.

Update: Talking to Your Child about Traumatic Events

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Note: This article was first published in 2017 after the Las Vegas mass shooting. Other than updating the location of recent mass shootings, little else was changed. A sad statement that these horrific tragedies continue.

Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

In the wake of the most recent mass shootings in Buffalo, New York and Uvalde, Texas, we all feel sad and stressed.  Parents also wonder if they should discuss traumatic events such as this with their children, what they should say and how to best reassure their child. Depending on the age of the child, how to do this will vary. 

Under age 2 years, kids do not understand exactly what is happening but often pick up on the emotions of the adults around them, and may cry more often, be fussy and be less social. Preschoolers may have some understanding that something bad happened and will look to their parents for reassurance and a sense of normalcy.  Kids in elementary school may develop fears depending on the trauma (especially a school shooting) and not want to go out to school or other activities. Regressive behavior and wanting more help from their parents are normal.

Preteens through teens, often very informed due to their exposure to media, may feel very worried and overwhelmed. They may minimize their feelings, withdraw, or not want to talk about the event. Their stress could come out in being more argumentative or they may have more physical complaints such as headaches.

Parents are crucial in helping their kids through a traumatic event such as a mass shooting. For the child old enough to express themselves who asks about the event, find out what they know or have heard. Keep your discussion age appropriate, and don’t volunteer additional details that may add to your child’s distress. For a preschool child, a simple explanation that a bad person hurt people but can’t hurt anyone anymore is enough. Of course, reassurance that they are safe is vital.

With their access to the news via their phone or computer, older kids may have more specific questions and worries.  They may have heard misinformation from their friends and social media. Give them your full attention and listen carefully. Address their concerns and correct misperceptions. Remind them of the plans in place to help prevent these events and plans that go into action if /when such events occur- and that as tragic as a mass shooting is, it is very rare.

Kids of all ages benefit in these situations from parents being very available, whether it is for questions and conversation or just warm hugs and time together (take your lead from your child). Keeping the family routine including school, activities, and family meals is important.

It is healthy to express your emotions and encourage your child to do the same but process your own feelings before addressing the event with your child. Seeking help from a counselor, health care provider, or clergy member is appropriate for anyone feeling distraught and overwhelmed weeks later, or if you are worried about how your child is coping. 

We have ‘screens’ everywhere and younger children may think every photo or video is actually another tragedy happening. Children with Internet-connected devices should avoid overexposure to the event- the same goes for parents. Younger kids (some say under age 11) should not watch the news or news videos online at all because the visuals can be too overwhelming.

In the face of such incomprehensible tragedy, we can remember PBS’ Mr. Rogers recalling what his mom told him:

Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.

Good advice for all of us. Highlight the bright spots—the first responders, the heroes, average people doing what they can, be it donating blood or giving money to help. Tweens and teens may want to get involved to help promote social change; the non-profit website DoSomething.org is a fine place to start. There is a lot of the good in the world, and we can be the good and an example to our children. Be extra kind, help your child do something nice for someone else, and make your corner of the world a reassuring place for your child. 

Resources:

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
Profile

Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.