Help Build Your Child’s Self-Esteem

Self-esteem is the way we feel about ourselves and is central to how we move through the world. If someone has high self-esteem, they feel confident and capable, and are more able to rise to a challenge and persevere. They can handle making mistakes, and do better overall in terms of school, work, and social interactions.

Those with low self-esteem feel negatively about themselves and their abilities. They may seem withdrawn, avoid challenges, and berate themselves if they feel they have fallen short. They do not stand up for themselves and may have more difficulty maintaining friendships and interacting with others.

Kids with low self-esteem may be moody or irritable. They may be hesitant to try something new, often predicting failure. If they make a mistake, they can be very self-critical, even calling themselves “stupid” or a “loser”. Self-harm (i.e. cutting of the skin) may occur as a way to deal with the negative feelings.

You can help build high self-esteem in your child by being loving, positive, and encouraging them to take on challenges. Don’t have them aim for perfection, an impossible goal, but instead celebrate when they try something hard or make progress towards a goal. Don’t give false high praise- -kids can often see through this which will make them feel less confident in their abilities.

Speak out about what makes them special and unique; avoid comparing them to others. As the parent, model good self-esteem, voicing self-confidence and your ability to tackle something challenging. Let your child hear that you are kind to yourself when you make a mistake and see that you still have self-respect.

Low self-esteem can be improved by getting out in nature (and off of phones and social media). Exercise, time with friends, and playing games can help your child feel more positively about themselves too. A volunteer activity (which you may do together depending upon their age) helps put the focus on others and how we can help instead of feeling negatively about ourselves. Your child may benefit from clubs or classes such as dance or karate that bring them together with peers they can relate to.

If your child is displaying signs of low self-esteem, talk with them about what you are noticing, and empathize with their feelings. Try to understand how the world seems to them even if what is concerning them may seem minor. If things do not improve over time, consider having your child speak with the school counselor or a therapist comfortable treating children.

By showing your child unconditional love, acknowledging their progress towards a goal, and encouraging them to challenge themselves, you can help boost your child’s self-esteem. Your child will be more confident and better able to handle what comes their way as a result.