teens

Seemingly everyone has a smartphone, and kids are drawn to these at a very early age. Parents do their best to supervise and set appropriate boundaries for their kids around phones, but may wonder when it is OK for their child to have their own phone. Making this decision can seem daunting, especially as younger and younger kids seem to have a phone in their pocket. According to Common Sense Media/Research, 43% of kids age 8 to 12 and 88% to 95% of teens up to age 18 have their own smartphone. If you are the parent of a 10-year-old, the begging may have already started. The general recommendation has been “Wait Until 8th (the end of 8th grade)”, but many kids get phones earlier.

Parents often see the benefit of staying in touch as a reason to give their child a phone. Other positives include use in an emergency and socializing. As kids get older, phones can help them stay connected to their friends and communicate about school work, sports, and other activities.

There is no perfect age for a child to have a phone. It may depend on the child’s maturity and sense of responsibility as well as family values. Is the child impulsive? Do they generally respect rules and limits? Are they generally honest? Are they good about following the rules regarding other tech, such as a Chrome book use at school? ATT and the American Academy of Pediatrics have partnered on an online ‘quiz’ to assess a child’s readiness (see resources, below).

The potential negatives of cell phones include less time spent with family, less physical activity, and sleep disturbance. Phones offer access to social media which can increase the risk of depression and anxiety. There is the possibility of kids oversharing, experiencing cyberbullying, and being victimized. Phone addiction is a concern for users of all ages.

On-line pornography poses significant risk to kids and teens. The average child is exposed to pornography by age 12 years. Pornography often portrays physical and verbal aggression and sexual violence, usually directed towards women, including women being choked, slapped and spit upon during sexual activity. It is horrific to note that free porn sites carry videos of child rape and assault. Early exposure to pornography is related to anxiety, depression, and difficulty forming healthy intimate relationships later on.

So how to navigate this complicated situation? Communication is key. Have open discussions with your child regarding the pros and cons of a smartphone. Take the “phone readiness quiz” and review the results with your child. Parental controls restricting the amount of usage as well as access to social media and inappropriate sites are vital. Discuss where and when the phone can be used (not at meals, not during family social time, not after bedtime, etc.) Your child should understand your concerns and the importance of respecting these limits when using other devices, for example, the phone of a friend who may not have the same restrictions.

As the parent, you should have your child’s password, be able to track their usage, and maintain the right to take the phone away if rules are not being followed. Having your child contribute to the purchase of the phone or service plan financially or by doing extra chores teaches responsibility.
As a trial, many families opt for a flip phone (calls and texts only) for a year to assess their child’s readiness. If connection to your child is most important, a smart watch, iPad, or tablet is a good way to start without the complications and potential risks of a smartphone.

Wait unitl 8th: https://www.waituntil8th.org _{Parents can join together, pledging to avoid phones for kids in elementary and middle school.}

Phone Ready Quiz: https://www.healthychildren.org/English/Pages/PhoneReadyQuiz.aspx