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teens

Social Media & Teens

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

Parents of teens know that this is a tough time for their kids, and many experts point to smartphones and social media as contributing to the worsening mental health of young people. Recent research has shown that social media is not just related to depression, anxiety, and loneliness, but can cause these issues. It should be noted that no one should be on social media until age 13 (it is against the rules as well as potentially harmful), and the later a teen starts with it, the better.

When phones and social media became common around 2012, kids began spending less time with friends just ’hanging out’, which is felt to contribute to feelings of isolation. So what are kids doing instead of hanging out with their peers? They are, of course, on their phones. 95% of all American teens have smartphones and they are on their phones over 7 hours a day (excluding for academics or homework). It is well known that all that phone and social media time is interfering with sleep, and inadequate sleep is tied to anxiety and depression in teens.

The negative effects of social media include bullying, kids comparing themselves to other people’s “perfect lives”, and a sense of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). There may also be exposure to violent or sexual content. Instagram and other social media can promote body image issues in teen girls who may already be struggling with self-esteem. Social media (including TikTok, Instagram, Snapchat, and YouTube) is engineered to be addictive, and 2/3 of teens age 13-17 years use it, 16% admitting to using social media “almost constantly”.

There are some clear positives of social media, however. Most teens say it can make them feel more connected to peers, and those with a disability or feeling marginalized may find support on a social media platform. It can provide an outlet for creativity, and most would agree on its potential for being entertaining.

Given that there are some positives, and most teens are very plugged in to their social media, what can parents do to help their kids regulate their usage? Although banning social media outright seems tempting, this is unlikely to be successful. Knowing that just decreasing the amount of social media can help kids with body image, depression, anxiety and self-esteem, it is better to make a mutually agreed upon plan with your teen to limit it.

This plan should have scheduled downtime daily without the phone and social media, including mealtimes and the hour before bed (and ideally no phones in the bedroom). Social media should be allowed only after homework is done; this can be implemented via parental controls if needed. Setting a daily time limit for social media apps is easily done on the phone; ideally your teen should do this and look at it as helpful reminder although parental controls are again an option. Encourage taking a longer break for activities like camping, traveling, and special times with friends or family. It is good to see how much more engaged we are when we don’t have our phones and social media to distract us.

Discuss with your child what on social media makes them feel better or worse; if something makes them feel worse, they should avoid it (good advice for us adults, too). Sympathize with your teen if you have a love/hate relationship with your social media and that limiting this may be difficult for you, too. Handling social media can be something you do together as a family. The American Academy of Pediatric has a new version of their free Family Media plan which can guide parents in media usage individualized for each family member (see Resources, below).

Parents should be familiar with social media platforms and know which ones their child is using. Encourage frequent conversations with your teen about relationships, social media, and emotional well-being so it will be easier for them to come to you if they have concerns. If social media is affecting your teen’s mental health, it is time to take a break and consider talking to your child’s healthcare provider and/ or a counselor.

Resources

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
Profile

Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.

Parenting Your Teenager

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

As kids get older, the joys and challenges of parenting change. Teenagers can be wonderful people—enthusiastic, very involved with friends, and with passionate opinions and feelings. However, they can also be impulsive, take risks and feel invulnerable, creating a setup for poor decisions. In addition, teens are working on independence, which can mean pushing back against authority (i.e., us parents). It is all-natural but can create some tension in the household.

Many parenting goals now are the same as when your child was younger, such as encouraging a healthy lifestyle. This includes good nutrition, family meals, getting outside regularly, and adequate sleep. Teens generally need 8-10 hours of sleep nightly but often want to stay up late and then sleep in or have difficulty getting up for school. “Sleeping in” on the weekends should be no more than 1-2 hours later than usual, and naps should be avoided. There should be no caffeine later in the day (this includes pop). Phones or other devices should not be used within an hour of bedtime; ideally, phones are out of the bedroom at night to limit temptation. If you feel this won’t work, parental controls can also be used to manage data access.

Safety is a big topic for teens— so many new things are happening! Driving, dating, possible alcohol and drug use, mental health concerns. Find moments to chat with your teen about some of these issues in shorter conversations, possibly when the two of you are in the car or making a meal. If something is in the news, such as cyberbullying, use that as a start to a discussion (not a lecture). Acknowledge that things are more complicated and high-pressured for them than when you were a teen and that you would like to know more about their world.

Encouraging autonomy means having clear, consistent rules and expectations (ideally agreed upon by your teen) for driving, dating, curfew, etc., gradually giving them more freedom. Acknowledging their successes helps build confidence and will make you comfortable giving them more responsibility. Consequences for poor behavior should be “firm and fair” and be understood by your child beforehand. Give your child a more significant voice on decisions such as meals, activities, and family plans; weekly brief family meetings are a great time to let your teen know their input is valued.

Teens are really in training for adulthood, and you need to give them life skills to succeed. Having chores, learning to set a budget, and being able to cook and clean are crucial. A part-time job encourages responsibility and teaches your teen to balance work, school, and other activities. Learning to drive can be challenging and perhaps worrisome to parents, but it is necessary to become independent. Teens should know how to do essential home repairs, change a tire and deal with small emergencies (such as power outages or grease fires in the kitchen). Teach them essential money management, such as using a credit card responsibly and spending wisely within their means. Learning to regulate emotions is also a necessary part of growing up. Model this by trying to remain calm, talking about your feelings, or taking a break from an uncomfortable situation.

The teen years can be challenging for you and your child as they strive for more independence. Mistakes may be made, but let them know you are there to support them. Don’t be afraid to tell them you love them, even if it sometimes feels awkward. They may not always act like it, but adolescents still want to know they are loved unconditionally, so even a brief hug or high five is reassuring when life may feel stressful and confusing.

Resources

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
Profile

Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.

How to Talk with Your Teen

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Contributor Dr. Elise Herman

We all want to feel connected to our kids, but as they become teenagers, it may seem harder to engage them in conversation. Between their appropriate need to become more independent, their frequent use of their phones and social media, and all of life’s distractions, how can you create opportunities to have an honest conversation with your teen? Here are some suggestions that might help:

Be a good listener: Ask open-ended questions, avoiding those which would have a short “yes” or “no” answer. Do not interrogate but ask with a desire to learn- about their school day, friendships, and interests. Avoid lecturing and try to reserve judgment unless there is a real safety issue. If you disagree with what your child says, ask why they feel a certain way; try to see things from their point of view. Often, teens want to chat about a concern but do not want you to “solve” it. Ask if they like your advice or help before offering. Remember to listen without the distraction of phones or computers.

Empathize: Your teen has a lot going on with social media, relationships, and school pressures. Life is likely more complicated for them than it was when you were their age. Listen and empathize; don’t discount their feelings and struggles.

Please respect their privacy: Do not share your conversations with others. You want your teen to feel safe and comfortable being open with you.

Location counts: The dinner table is an excellent place to chat casually about school, activities, etc. (research has shown that regular family meals decrease risky behavior in teens). Start the family dinner habit when kids are young and keep it going as much as possible through the teen years. Even if they are quiet at the table (don’t force anyone to talk), connecting as a family is essential. When driving, it is also a great time to chat, especially if it is just the two of you. Frequent brief conversations are more accessible than longer, more formal ones and can make you both feel connected..

Let your teen lead:

  • Be open to discussing things they care about, such as social media, music, trends, etc.
  • Try to be aware of what teens are viewing and discussing online.
  • Don’t try too hard to be “hip”; aim to be curious and informed.

Encourage confidence: You know your teen and their strengths. Let them know you believe them to be capable of handling challenging situations but that you are always there for them, too, to be a sounding board or assist if it is appropriate.

Having regular, non-judgmental chats with your teen can maintain open lines of communication and increase your emotional connection. In addition, this will make it easier if they need to come to you to discuss important issues such as relationships, sexuality, mental health, or substance abuse.

more about The contributor

Dr. Elise Herman

Blog Posts
Profile

Dr. Herman is passionate about community health outreach, school programs, and child/family health and wellness. She has more than 31 years of experience as a pediatrician in Ellensburg, Washington, the last 3 with KVH Pediatrics. In 2022 Dr. Herman mostly retired from practice and continues to contribute blog posts and remain a visible advocate for kids in the community.